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Absurd: The Giant Swiss Army Knife

gigantic swiss army knife!

Even the Swiss are going crazy! Usually, a swiss army knife can be described by one short phrase: minimalistic and practical.

This means that you get a bunch of useful functions out of a small and simple to use device. Well, now, the ‘small’ part seems to be totally out. How about 9 whole inches of width?

Of course, there’s an awful lot of functions in there (85 fully functional implements), but none of the tools is now practical, simply due to the ginormous size of this. This really deserves to be categorized as a ‘Wacky Gadget’.

Click on for an extensive list of features. Hell, there’s even a tire pressure gauge in there!

  1. 2.5″ 60% Serrated locking blade
  2. Nail file, nail cleaner
  3. Corkscrew
  4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
  5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter
  6. 2.5″ Blade for Official World Scout Knife
  7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
  8. Removable screwdriver bit holder
  9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
  10. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
  11. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
  12. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
  13. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
  14. Magnetized recessed bit holder
  15. Double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm)
  16. Bike chain rivet setter, removable 5mm allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and philips head screws
  17. Removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10mm hexagonal key for nuts
  18. Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with philips head screwdriver
  19. Removable 10mm hexagonal key
  20. Patented locking philips head screwdriverUniversal wrench
  21. 2.4″ Springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design
  22. 1.65″ Clip point utility blade
  23. Philips head screwdriver
  24. 2.5″ Clip point blade
  25. Golf club face cleaner
  26. 2.4″ Round tip blade
  27. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener
  28. Golf shoe spike wrench
  29. Golf divot repair tool
  30. 4mm allen wrench2.5″ blade
  31. Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
  32. Double-cut wood saw
  33. Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges
  34. 12/20-Guage choke tube tool
  35. Watch caseback opening tool
  36. Snap shackle
  37. Mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver
  38. Compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
  39. Telescopic pointerFish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide
  40. Shortix laboratory key
  41. Micro tool holder
  42. Micro tool adapter
  43. Micro scraper – straight
  44. Micro scraper – curved
  45. Laser pointer with 300 ft. range
  46. Metal saw, metal file
  47. Flashlight
  48. Micro tool holderPhilips head screwdriver 1.5mm
  49. Screwdriver 1.2mm
  50. Screwdriver .8mm
  51. Fine fork for watch spring bars
  52. Reamer
  53. Pin punch 1.2mm
  54. Pin punch .8mm
  55. Round needle file
  56. Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
  57. Removable tool holder
  58. Special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights
  59. Flat philips head screwdriver
  60. Chisel-point reamerMineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler
  61. Extension tool
  62. Spring-loaded, locking flat nose-nose pliers with wire cutter
  63. Removable screwdriver bit holder
  64. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
  65. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
  66. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
  67. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5mm x 3.5mm
  68. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6mm x 4.0mm
  69. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0mm x 6.5mm
  70. Magnetized recessed bit holder
  71. Tire tread gauge
  72. Fiber optic tool holderCan opener
  73. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper
  74. Reamer/awl
  75. Toothpick
  76. Tweezers
  77. Key ring

Though this list is huge, cramming so many tools in a swiss army knife is overdone to say the least. I really hope it’s not designed to be a practical tool, but just a collectible or something to brag about.

The price isn’t small, as well: it retails for £499,99 (yup, one thousand bucks) at FireBox. Found via GeekAlerts.

8 thoughts on “Absurd: The Giant Swiss Army Knife”

  1. It would be more useful if there was some way to custom specify which implements you want in a Swiss Army knife. Among other designs, you could do one that could be carried on an airplane (i.e. no knife blades).

  2. Why is it that when someone does something different, just for fun, some cretin crawls out from under a rock and yells “absurd”, or some other, even worse, pejorative (you cretins can look that word up in the dictionary).

  3. Because it is absurd… I’m only being realistic here, not pointlessly pejorative (one of my other occupations leans toward the literary side, Ross)… Could you tote this around in your pocket or handbag? could you even use the knife or saw or anything, when the whole thing is that big?..


  4. Oh, fer cryin’ out loud!
    “Could you tote this around in your pocket or handbag? could you even use the knife or saw or anything, when the whole thing is that big?.. ”

    This thing was never meant to be toted around. Surely, anyone with eyes can see that. Wenger made this Swiss Army Brick as a collectible and a showcase of all the various tools they’d used on their knives up until that point. Why are there so many people who trash this thing for not being pocketable?

    Sad thing is, I’ve seen plenty of people make jokes about this “knife”, but the majority of them understood the real purpose of it. This blogger seems to really think it’s missed the point because it’s too big and heavy to carry. The blogger’s the one who missed the point.

  5. There are two companies designated to make “Swiss Army Knives’. Forcher’s knives are adequate, though quality control is spotty on things like hardness/tempering, making them useful for LIGHTer than they should take work though good service is available in the US. The Swiss should give up demanding ‘stainless’ (means “steel contains chromium”, that’s all) and ask the company to turn out something in, say, A-2

    BUT Wengers are TRASH, 0 qc, bad blade quality, mechanisms, etc & this monster’s a Wenger $1K worth of bad design (nobody has hands large enough to comfortably use the thing) shiny low-grade steel amd motpriously weak locking springs.

    Hint: You want a customized Swiss Army Knife for half the price? buy individual Fosher blades, springs, separators, small parts & scales and build your own.

    For $1K, I’d go through the list of Knifemakers’ Guild members, and see how much they’d want to do a special blade or tool for a Sure’s Not a SAK, get parts off the shelf and a manual on putting the large, freaking things together, get custom strong stone scales inlaid with something important to you, and put together a working masterpiece of a tool, not some potlach toy

  6. Er, I’m pretty sure that these were originally produced as a display item for places selling the standard, practical knives. They were never meant to be used, just to demonstrate the diverse range of tool options. Some bright spark just thought that they might as well sell the things to the public because some people wanted to buy them (for a laugh, presumably).

    We might as well joke about the pointlessness of non-functioning display phones or 8′ plastic burgers. ;-P

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