Even the Swiss are going crazy! Usually, a swiss army knife can be described by one short phrase: minimalistic and practical.

This means that you get a bunch of useful functions out of a small and simple to use device. Well, now, the ’small’ part seems to be totally out. How about 9 whole inches of width?

Of course, there’s an awful lot of functions in there (85 fully functional implements), but none of the tools is now practical, simply due to the ginormous size of this. This really deserves to be categorized as a ‘Wacky Gadget’.

Click on for an extensive list of features. Hell, there’s even a tire pressure gauge in there!

Previous Patent Series:

• Number 1 – The Smokers Hat
• Number 2 – The Baby Cage & Be The Bike
• Number 3 - Anti-Eating Mouth Cage & Doggie Umbrella
• Number 4 - Air Conditioned Shoes & The Big Ash Bib
• Number 5 - Birdman of Alcatraz & Boatless Water Skiing
• Number 6 - The Baby Patter & Car Bib

Human Car Wash

The Human Car Wash is an intelligent system that obviously washes humans as if we were cars and without “us” having to care about falling down because of catching the soap, if you know what I mean… Similar to the normal car washing system there are 4 distinct phases:

• 1st - get wet
• 2nd - get soap and get clean
• 3rd - remove the soap aka rinsing phase
• 4th - get dry by making use of the blow drying station

The best part of this absurd patent is that there is no need for humans to do any kind of effort: we would be strapped into a hanging harness and merely need to stand or dangle in a fixed position while the conveyor belt moves us from station to station.

Is it just me, or this Human Car Wash makes humans look like cheap merchandise? I don’t see normal people using this any time soon, but maybe it is a good system for prisons to use on inmates.

Previous Patent Series:

• Number 1 – The Smokers Hat
• Number 2 – The Baby Cage & Be The Bike
• Number 3 - Anti-Eating Mouth Cage & Doggie Umbrella
• Number 4 - Air Conditioned Shoes & The Big Ash Bib
• Number 5 - Birdman of Alcatraz & Boatless Water Skiing

Today we have the following absurd patents:

The Baby Patter

For all the parents that can’t get no sleep because their baby starts crying during the middle of the night, I have just found the perfect solution, or not… it is called the Baby Patter, which is a motorized machine to fake the patting that parents are suppose to be doing.

The good:
- More sleeping time for the parents and for the baby
- Less work and more free time for parents

The bad:
- Baby must be in position for the patter to work properly, this can be kind of hard…
- No strength adjustment
- No timer
- The child might grow up with bad memories of his babyhood because of the machine

Previous Patent Series:

• Number 1 – The Smokers Hat
• Number 2 – The Baby Cage & Be The Bike
• Number 3 - Anti-Eating Mouth Cage & Doggie Umbrella
• Number 4 - Air Conditioned Shoes & The Big Ash Bib

Today’s patents are really absurd, not only because of their function but also due to their design and images presented.

Birdman Of Alcatraz

First we got a Birdman of Alcatraz, for the supposedly bird lovers that like to watch the animals for hours and hours. If that is your case, why not invite them over by offering some food? With the “high-tech” cap (or helmet, or whatever that is) you will be able to have a clear vision of your favorite birds, there are feeders hanging on each side of the helmet – is that close enough for you?

Previous Patent Series:

• Number 1 – The Smokers Hat
• Number 2 – The Baby Cage & Be The Bike
• Number 3 - Anti-Eating Mouth Cage & Doggie Umbrella

Air Conditioned Shoes

To start of today’s series we got something that isn’t stupid, really, it is a cool idea for the people that… have the problem of sweating a lot on the feet “area”. Don’t worry if you are one of them, I got the perfect solution – the air conditioned shoes. How it works? Don’t ask me, but if this was real I would buy a pair for sure to use on the hot hot hot days during the summer.

Anti-Eating Mouth Cage

Got fat children that can’t control their eating pattern? Are they just eating and eating all the time? Getting fatter and fatter all the time? Sorry if the previous questions touched you somehow, but that is the only explanation I can think of after seeing this mouth cage that doesn’t let a person eat, only breath and speak. It is a big wearable “thing” that is suppose to be locked into your head, with clips on the back and top of the head, plus a small locker on the side – there is no escape with this cage. But, I do wonder if people can actually drink while wearing it? Maybe this “thing” needs a few adjustments.

This post is part of the Patent Series – you can read number 1 about the Smokers Hat.

Ther are two patents for today that keep up with the same comic level as the previous, I don’t know what some of the people that filled these patents were thinking of, but hey, a stupid idea for some can be great idea for others – and “tastes” are not a matter of debate. Lets start…

Baby Cage

For those lovely parents that like to sleep with babies on their bed, this is kind of a protection for the baby – you don’t want to hurt the small thing now do you? I think the idea is good but the design could be better, a cage isn’t the best thing for babies to remember on the following years, right? Just imagine your son going to the circus for the first time and seeing animals inside cages, what a coincidence…

After a one week and a half break on my part, I’m back in good shape to bring you some of the best concepts/patents ever created. Maybe best is not the right word to describe them, I think that idiotic or laughable is more proper and you will see why on the upcoming series. My plan is to reach at least 10 series, but as you know most plans always have some kind of problem and afterwards a stupid excuse, I hope that isn’t the case with mine…

Anyway, for now I present one useful but still idiotic patent:

Smokers Hat – US Patent Issued In 1989

Whoever made this hat had no problem with the awkward looks smokers would get from non-smokers, but the special hat actually protects them by sucking the smoke and more…