How much do you love your pet? I love my dog, but I don’t know if I love him enough to get him the Total Pet Health Vibrating Pet Massager. I mean honestly, I would feel just a bit weird running around with this thing in my house. The company boasts that this little doohickey “provides a way to strengthen the bond between pets and their owners”.

They may be right, heck, if I was getting a Total Health Vibrating Pet Massage every day I would be pretty stoked also. The problem is this is already a one-way relationship. I mean, I feed the little guy, I give him water to live, he needs me if he wants to go to the bathroom and not face repercussions, I mean let’s be honest, I am already a God in his eyes. Do I really need to spend this much Quality Time with my canine?

The people at Total Pet Health think I do. They claim the massager relieves sore muscles, relieves tension, and stimulates oil glands for healthier skin and coat. Wait a second…sore muscles? My dog lies around for 23 hours a day inside a nice air conditioned house while I’m running around town making scratch to feed the dang thing! He needs to massage me, not the other way around!

If you are a sucker for your dog, the TPHVPM can be purchased at Puppy’s Place for $5.95