Here in the United States, a lot of people don’t get the concept of a bidet and that’s a shame. To me, it’s a simple equation: when “cleaning up” with mere toilet paper and one suffers a little accident by way of “poo poo” on the finger does one just wipe that finger off? Of course not! You wash, with water and soap. Why must the buttocks suffer the slings and arrows of crass paper while the digits enjoy a nice soapy washing? 

Like many Americans I was blissfully unaware of the incredible array of toilet technology until that master thespian Paul Hogan showed me the light in his landmark epic “Crocodile Dundee.” When the lovable lout Dundee stumbled upon a bidet in the fancy hotel and quickly figured out its use, the bathroom scales fell from my eyes. 

This nifty gadget takes the place of your standard toilet seat and is “loaded” with extras! For instance, there is the “Enema” setting which the text describes as: “Whirly mass of soft aerated water stream.” I’ve made my fair share of “masses” in toilets, but none of them where whirly – at least pre-flush. A self-diagnosis sensor is also provided and the text notes: “System warns user of any malfunction.” I can see it now; I am relaxed and reading when a shrill metallic voice rings out: “This is the Supreme Bidet! Warning! Whirly mass detected!” 

The Bio Bidet company also makes other models including Ultimate Bidet, Premium Bidet, Warm Water Bidet and lastly, and a touch ominously, the Natural Water Bidet. I think that last one there with its notable lack of any kind of heated water could be subtitled “The Morning Shocker” or “The Ejection Seat” considering the velocity I would be off the thing. But really, in the end, don’t we all deserve the pampering of the Supreme Bidet?

Bio Bidet Supreme Bidet